I'm sure you've all heard about the atrocious weather... I had to head back up north for a week after moving south and living there for 4 months. Unfortunately, I am an asthmatic and my lungs did not appreciate the transition from 70 degree weather to 10 and below weather.

My asthma was so bad I was taking my machine every 2 hours, when you can only take it every 4 hours. I was rushed to the hospital where they gave me a breathing treatment with Adrenaline. They also gave me a prescription for prednizone (or whatever) which is a heavy steroid for severe asthma, cancers, diseases, etc.

I have to take these little white pills for a week, 3 of them, twice a day. They taste awful and they make me feel strange, but its either this or I stay in the hospital with shots and IVs to keep me breathing.

Luckily, the pills are keeping me fine but they have some unpleasant side effects, hopefully they wont effect me because I'm not taking them long.

Ontop of that I've got plenty of other problems including my parents saying they hate what I'm becoming, pressuring me to get a job, and not excepting me for who I am. I'll never be perfect, I can't do everything, I'm a very stressed individual with developing mentality issues. They threatened to force me to pay for myself to see a psychiatrist. I dont have that kind of money, I don't want to be put on medications because a random stranger wants to pry my mind, I just need love and support to chase away the depression stress and manic problems. They don't understand...

I hope whatever higher power there is gives me a break because all of these problems are making me break inside. I'm so depressed, I'm scared the asthma will get worse, I'm petrified of the hospital I don't trust them I fear needles and IVs, I'm angry with my school for putting so much stress onto me, I'm confused, I'm tired but the insomnia limits my sleep, I feel alone...

Doctors will only give me medicine with nasty side affects that give me a false sense of every-things fine-ness, my parents only yell threaten and push me away, my brother is happy when I feel this way, I don't really have any friends in rl, only the people I've met through the internet. And even though some of you are better friends then I've ever had in my life, nobody can physically be here to help me.

I don't mean to whine, I know people have it worse then me. But they are stronger then I am... I'm shattering on the inside and I know I need help, I just can't find it...

Thank-you to all of you for talking to me and making me feel like I might matter in this world, I'm trying my best to pull through this. Just wanted to let everyone know why I'm absent so much as of late. Love you all